My Epic Love Story Has Already Been Written

Photos by Micaela Malmi Photography***

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God with them."

1 John 4:16

I'm a hopeful person. I believe in big things, and I have big dreams of my future. But I've got to be honest, I'm not always the best at trust or keeping my thoughts focused on the hope that I truly believe we all deserve to give ourselves. Funny thing is, I actually trust others very easily, sometimes too much. Probably a weakness and a strength of mine. BUT I struggle with trusting God. Which is crazy to me, as He is the very core of my soul and my life, and everything I believe and all of the joys in my life point straight back to all that He has done for me and in me. What is up with this struggle?

Well, I'm extremely human. It's very easy and I guess I could call it impulsive of me to just reach for the things I want. I strongly desire to keep the control over everything in my life. I have clung to control in the past as if my life depended on it, but honestly, that has always ended up leaving me drowning in the pain of my own decisions. Trying to do things only "my way".

I guess I should give myself a little credit here-- I do and have made some awesome decisions for myself in the past and have quite a moral compass (I think), but the lesson I'm trying to share here is that I had reached a point where I was so convinced I needed to do things MY way. I was impatient, I was in need of control, and really I wasn't trusting the greatest part of my soul, God, that still small voice.

After my last big breakup, I realized I had been working so hard trying to navigate life, decisions, and choices all on my own and it had once again left me in deep heartbreak and pain. In that moment I vowed to myself that I didn't want to do things my way anymore-- no way Jose! From there on out, I only wanted to do things God's way. This could sound like "no fun" or really hard, but honestly, this is much better for me. There is a lot of joy in each moment and so so so much hope choosing to cling to what He has for me! I mean, after all, my favorite verse is:

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your Heart." Psalm 37:4

So I better live that out and follow through with my other two favorite verses,

“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this.” Psalm 37:5

and

 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3

Now here I am, trusting, like really trusting! And I'm waiting for what God has in store for me. Here's the coolest thing... He knows my future, so no matter what, it will be so good! Because it will be His way- designed for me to live out the purpose of this life He has given me.Sooo, I've spent a year praying and practicing all of this. It's taken some discipline, major surrender, and maybe a few big tears here and there getting frustrated when I've been so sure the way things were going were exactly how they were supposed to be going. But then I would loosen up my grip- sometimes ever so slowly, scared to let go completely because I'm so humanly wired to my own free will. With this, I've watched things slip away and some things stay. This isn't easy to watch things go, but I can rest in knowing that this is how it should be, because I've surrendered my control over whatever it is I might have normally chosen to fight to hang onto.The big "a ha" here of "My epic love story has already been written..." came to me while running one day after returning home from my time in Paradise. (I do a lot of thinking and praying while running.) I was thinking about my recent decisions, feeling good about the decision I had made at the end, though it was hard, I knew that it was right, realistic, and most importantly, God's way for me. But here I was again, SINGLE. Content, but single. I was praying something like,

"God, I'm frustrated- where is "he"? I'm doing great, doing my own thing and I'm content, but I am feeling a little discouraged. Where is that man that you have for me? I believe you designed and wired this heart of mine with these hopes and dreams that I have. But why haven't I received these desires of my heart yet? I'm frustrated- and sometimes discouraged... Maybe even, dare I say it, worried.”

And then it was crazy, all of a sudden the most amazing peace came over me, and a thought--- maybe it was a whisper to my soul,

"Don't worry. My epic love story has already been written!"

Wow! Wow! Wow! Think about what this means! I started to cry and then I texted my mom, sister, and a few of my best girlfriends to share with them this big epiphany my heart was finally settled with!

Since that moment I've had disappointments, some heartbreak, and some big moments where I've struggled with hanging on tightly to something I wanted so badly, but really all of that was just hurting me, holding me back from moments of joy. Moments where I could be holding onto that hope of what is to come. That love story ahead, and it will be epic! It is already written, and that is AMAZING!So I here I am, clinging and trusting to what God has in store for my future. I hope that me sharing this has resonated with some of you and given you a restored hope for what is ahead and that you don't have to worry, just trust, and be joyful in this peace! And for those of you that this may not resonate with in the way that I shared, there is one more component to our epic love stories for us all... the way God has loved us, and the gift of what He has done for us is our first epic love story that has been written and revealed! Celebrate that! 

{Update: I wrote this post a few years ago. And I am now engaged to an amazing man that loves the Lord, pursues me, and loves me. I'm absolutely grateful to be experiencing this precious gift of this relationship, it was definitely worth waiting for, and only God could be so creative. And as we plan our wedding I'm feeling and experiencing beautiful redeeming moments to all the heart break I experienced.}

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, & He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6